Thursday, July 27, 2006

For Better or For Worse

(This is an excerpt from a book I am currently working on. Watch out for it!)

When we got married, Mang and I agreed that we will do all it takes to stay committed to each other come hell or high water. Even in the mission field, this commitment gets tested every once in a while. This reminds us of the need for support from others in the team and constant reliance on God.

It’s been six months since we arrived in Durian Land. We’ve discovered that Davao City is conducive for doing almost anything, including arguing and fighting.

I’ve heard from another missionary that the first term is really stressful as it is filled with adjustments and a lot of learning. The marriage relationship does not escape the strain. Moving to a new place, adapting to the host culture, learning a new language added to the daily routine of cooking, cleaning and babysitting are enough to cause anyone to snap like a stretched rubber band.

I think it takes an ounce of courage to admit that “happily ever after” is a myth for missionaries, especially the married ones. Many think that because we are serving the Lord, we’ve always got things made. Life is smooth. Many also think that people like us who have committed to ministry are immune to life’s blows. We don’t get angry, irritated, stressed or worried. We don’t need a break or an evening walk alone to have some peace and quiet. If we succumb to any of these things, we are lesser and immature missionaries.

It also takes a bit of courage for married missionaries to admit that like any other couple, they also desire to have occasional romantic dates, candle-lit dinners, or just a stroll along the beach to watch the sunset. But many feel that these are too worldly for a missionary to even dream of.

Most of all, it takes a great amount of courage to admit that marriage woes are normal and integral to life—yes, even in missionary life. Many seem to overlook that our struggles make us more human and therefore make us more in touch with the hurting world, which we are trying to reach with Christ’s love.

Inasmuch as missionaries are called to be agents of spiritual and physical nurture, care and healing, missionaries also need to experience inner renewal and restoration. It is in the most unsuspecting times when the heart would cry out for help. But usually, these distress calls are unheard because missionaries are expected to fend for themselves. The strains or successes in a marriage can be a predictor of the effectiveness of our work and the degree of our impact on the unreached. A husband and his wife is a team. If one falls, the other would have to stagger on rather than run the race well. Worst, they may both drop out of the field because their inner wounds remained unhealed and have become a gangrene that ate up the remaining zeal in them. This is why missionary and member care is a need that should never be overlooked or neglected.

Mang and I are beginning to understand what it means to be married and be a team in the mission field. We are beginning to see the value of caring for each other and for our co-workers. We have a lot to learn.